It's 1 am and im still here , alone and cudnt sleep . listening to songs and thinking thinking thinking and thinking . about life and the content . if the sigh can be count , i dont know how many sigh i have thru my life . my life is great . really great . being given three angles and many fairy besides . among the many fairies , i was only been given the best . i have no doubt that they are the best . thank you dear God .
people said that life is like you are on a wheel . there's up and down . each time you are at the top , dun you ever forget those whose at the bottom . and when you are at the bottom , push more effort so that one day you may be at the top too . keep trying and never give up . going thru a great life like mine , i've experience many phrase . whether it's the easy or the hard . i'd being at the top and the bottom .
each time i am about to fall down , i keep saying to myself , be patient , everybody have to feel the experience , everything have the good and the bad . all you have to do is just keep believing that everything is just gonna be fine . everything is just gonna be okay . this is the time where you are at the bottom . but you see , human is created with feelings . we are being created with the 5 sense . consider yourself lucky if you got 6 . if you cant bear to face the phrase in life , at certain time , just let go those ego in yours and all you have to do is CRY . no one will stop you , in fact , they cant . at certain moment in life , i'll sit alone , thinking back of those past i'd done in my life and the upcoming future . and i'll end up with tears . its normal . let them go . let those silence you've keep inside you . let them out loud .
but you see , the best wud be when you have someone besides you . someone to share your problem with . someone who never stop you when you wanna cry . someone who is willing to lend you his or her shoulder , lend you his or her ears . someone who when you are about to give up , will hold your hand , hug you and comfort you . keep supporting you and keep encouraging you . have you guys get that someone in your life ? that someone will never ever judge you , never backstab you , never say bad things about you , never let you down . that someone just want the best for you . keep loving you no matter what . always be there for you . up and down . i'd been searching for that someone since the past 6 years . its not stated that i dun have friends who support me . but i really wish that someone really exist . thats all .
sometimes , people will still wanna judge you . and at some point , you'll say "jadi diri sendiri pun susah , jadi lain dari diri sendiri pun orang tak suka" . believe me ! YOU WILL . it wud be such a lie if i say its not tiring . human beings will never get the satisfaction . some , keep saying this and that about others , but in the mean time , they dun even realize are they good enuff ? are they been good enuff when they start judging and talking back about others bad ? huhh ! i dun think so . so you see , i cant do anything about those mouth . one fine day , when all the bad things make a u turn and get back to them , at that time , they'll realize that this world is sphere . because WHAT GOES AROUND , COMES AROUND . and by that time , they'll definitely shut those fucking mouth up !
come on people , just stop searching for others weakness and use that to let them fall . everybody and everything have the good and the bad . they themselves got it too . its just they never want to open their eyes and face the fact . why ? because they cant accept their own lackness . you cant always be right people . there's too many things inside me to be share on this white paper . hemm , maybe A WHITE A4 PAPER can be that someone ! the paper may not hear you and lend you the ears or the shoulder , but someday somehow , it helps a lot . all you have to do is write and write and write . express everything on the piece of paper .
in life , when thing is turning upside down , the only person i need is MUMMY . me , myself , when i get depress , i'll call her and cry . being far away from beloved home and beloved family , sometimes , i do imagine , when im crying , mummy will come and seat next to me . she'll hug me and kiss me . she'll keep reminding me to just ignore those bad people out there . just live your life happily . she knows which one is the best for me and which one is not . she'll keep supporting me . and keep telling me not to be worry . just go on with your study . go on with your life . let those people who doesnt like you behind . just be with the one who love you . i love you mummy ! the world wudnt be great without a mom like you . and now i miss home badly . really wanna go home . hugging mummy and share everything with her . if i am given a choice , to be home or to be at college . i rather choose to be home . helping her with the house chores , ironing her clothes , gardening with her during weekend , going to the market every morning , taking care of her when she's ill and the best wud be when i can keep looking at her . every single day ! kissing her and hugging her . i can live happily with all that . n i dun need anybody else to complete me . she complete me enuff .
but people will still say , you dun know how to socialize if life is going on that way . and i realize , I CANT LIVE WITH BELOVED MUMMY FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE . she will never always be here to take care of me . one day , she'll be taken away from me . and by that time , i have to just be me , whom i believe is a strong and independent girl . whom i believe can stand on her own feet . whom i believe knows how to stand up own her own believe . whom i believe can take a good care of her own younger sister . just for the sister's sake . live the life normally and keep being stroger just for her adik . i am just me whom i believe one fine day , i can stand up proudly with the lecturer's title . insyaallah ! so , no matter what , life must be go on . thats all . dun you ever give up . like i always say to myself , keep believing that everything is gonna be fine . everything is just gonna be okay . there are people who's relying on you and want to see you successfully succeed in your life . besides , on what reasons ever made you think to give up if you can hold on for such a long time this while ?? keep going okay !
and to NUR AFIFAH IBRAHIM , NURULAQIELA NORAZEMI , NORTI MAT TAHIR , FAZIRA KAMAL , NUR LIYANA ISA and HAFIZAH ARIS , thank you for making life in such greatness . love you guys !
lots of love ,
ILY AMER :))